For the uncensored story click here.

I don’t feel that I did Beijing justice.

My domestic flight from Huangshan was once again delayed, and once again I was so tired that I didn’t dare sit down in case I fell asleep and missed the plane.

Once we’d finally boarded and I’d conked out for a bit I woke up about 10 minutes away from Beijing.  My legs were cramping, my stomach cramping, my head hurt and all I could think was “that’s it, I’m done, I can’t do another flight like this.” Yes it’s very easy to sit and plan an itinerary where a couple of hours on a plane looks like a cheap and easy way to see more of this incredible country, but the reality of the flights - not bad in any way except the consistent lateness - and arriving into a new city in the early hours of the morning - not to mention the stress on your body of flying... well, next time I think I’ll take the train!

Thank heavens I was met at the airport by a lovely driver from the Beijing Double Happiness Courtyard Hotel.  I really was on my last legs. When we finally got to the hutongs, which are basically alleyways, I wasn’t sure he’d actually make it down the road, it was so narrow. Once he dropped me off at the hotel I wasn’t sure if I should pay the driver or the hotel, so had to wait until the driver got back from parking his car (an hour later it felt like!) before I could pay him and finally crash out.

Finally, I lay on the bed, for the first time without the noise of the air conditioner and was ready to pass out. I’m not sure whether it was because I was so exhausted, or maybe the energy or chi of the place, but I suddenly became absolutely positive that if I went to sleep there I was going to be attacked in the night. Exhausted or not I got up and made myself check the door and the two windows. Weirdly enough one of the windows was open. I’m sure there was nothing untoward, after all, the windows opened onto the courtyard of the hotel, which was already fairly secure, but hey.

After a solid few hours of sleep I was finally able to make it to the breakfast room, for an absolutely awesome breakfast, some proper coffee and fantastic dim sum with a black bean filling (Dar Sar Pau) - which I have just found in London! But the most wonderful surprise was having to share a table with a really nice Chinese man from Australia and his beautiful daughter. Normally I am not the kind of person to pay that much attention to other people’s children, I have so many in my life, but this little girl reminded me so much of my own niece that I had a job not to just pick her up and steal her right there and then ...and that’s when I started to get really homesick.

After the ruggedness of Huangshan the beauty of my hotel room in Beijing forced me to make an effort - for the first time in what seemed forever I put on a pretty top, and did my make up!

I knew that I wasn’t up to much, so rather than try to tackle The Great Wall or The Forbidden City I thought I’d take it easy and check out Bei Hai park.

Sadly you have to pay to get into most of the parks in Beijing, the exception being Hou Hai, although the locals prevent themselves going bankrupt by buying an annual ticket - particularly for The Temple of Heaven which is the most communal of gardens as far as I could see.

Bei Hai is everything you’d expect of a Chinese garden, pagodas, temples, lotus blossoms on the lake, and a few things you don’t - like the speedboats on the lake. There are also lots of cafes - which is where I got into trouble. I managed to get a seat and order, and pay - despite the fact that the waitress spoke no English, and then I waited... and waited... Finally I tried to get a new waitress’ attention as my waitress seemed to have disappeared. Now normally I can get by with a few gestures, but this time it all went pear shaped, as I tried to explain that I’d ordered but wasn’t sure where my food was with the aid of my ropey dictionary, the waitress was getting more and more agitated, as was I, and we were getting more and more attention. Luckily a nice Chinese gentleman interrupted “May I be of assistance” and I explained... then he explained, “Yes they are very busy, it is a holiday, and it may take a few moments.” At which point my food arrived, the waitress stormed off and I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. May I just say it was very good food.

As I may have forgotten to mention earlier I was visiting Beijing for the three days of the Moon Festival, one of their biggest celebrations which revolves around the giving of moon cakes. So Beijing was probably more crowded and crazy than usual, but I can’t say for sure as I have no idea what it’s like normally!

Relaxing in Bei Hai was lovely, but I was so very tired that I decided to go for a little pedicure at Dragonfly near The Forbidden City. Unfortunately it was very average and the spa couldn’t quite cover up the smell of the ancient drains, but I did enjoy listening to the musical accompaniments from the whimsical Chinese shop over the road.

Now, I was planning on going back to my hotel for a little nap, but somehow I wandered into the busier, more commercial district (even here I was something of an oddity and had a Chinese man actually stop and circle me - very strange) when I suddenly saw something that changed everything. The Haagen Daazs shop - my brain didn’t have a chance, the rest of my body walked me in and sat me down before I could even think. It was the best ice cream ever.

High on sugar I took the long route home, hoping to see some exciting sights, but it was mainly sky scrapers and hot and dusty, so by the time I got back to my hotel I was ever so ready for a nap - the kind of nap where you set your alarm for 8pm just so you remember to get up and eat dinner!

The next morning was crunch time. I was a little revived, but there was every chance I was only going to make it to one major attraction in Beijing. It was either The Great Wall or The Forbidden City. I chose The Forbidden City.

Although it’s one of the top attractions in Beijing it’s so massive that if you start early and side step the tour groups you can actually find yourself quite alone in places within the City. It’s stunning and it’s beautiful, but... Maybe the chi of my own hotel was getting to me, and I had the distinct impression of being the second wife of the elderly scholar whose home it had once been, but all I could think about while I was walking through The Forbidden City was all of the poor young girls who, at the age of 13 or 14 were brought to the City to be the Emperor’s concubines. Once there they had to be careful not to become too unpopular, or indeed too popular - like the poor young girl thrown down a well by the Empress.

When so much of China’s cultural heritage was destroyed during the Cultural Revolution, standing in the City I could understand why Chairman Mao had preserved The Forbidden City. The scale, the very nature of the place, tells dramatically of the unfairness of the imperial system. I was stunned, impressed, but I didn’t enjoy being there.

Likewise, walking through into Tiananmen Square, it’s daunting, huge, but for me soulless. I guess, when I am looking for the one sight I would recommend, I am also swayed by the vibe, the feeling, the chi, and I suppose in reality what I am looking for is the heart, the place that for me embodies the spirit of the city.

As I wandered further out, looking for a couple of recommended teahouses for lunch, I realised that I hadn’t a hope of finding them as all of the roads were marked in Chinese, as were the shops. It was all very well having a guidebook with the best silk shops listed, but there was no way in the world I could find them even if I was standing right in front of them! I managed to find lunch and coffee at a bakery with an empty coffee shop next door. After wandering into a tantalisingly signposted Tourist Information Office where all the guides were in Chinese I gave up and finally hailed a taxi to The Lama Temple.

Visiting the Po Lin Temple in Hong Kong on a wet day had been magical, but here, on a bustling, hot day I felt like I was seeing nothing new - felt nothing spiritual or magical, I was just tired, hot, bothered and cranky. I didn’t want to try and find something else to eat, or go back to my hotel for another nap, or go shopping. I was sick of being stared at. All I wanted, I realised, was a swim. I pulled out the Luxe Guide, which, most usefully, had the names of the hotels written in Chinese. (I’d only got to The Lama Temple by pointing at a picture in my guide book.) I found the spa with a pool and waved it under the nose of a taxi driver - and we were off.

As I walked into the exclusive 5 star Park Hyatt Beijing and up to the Tian Spa, once again I was stunned by the disparity between the rough and basic style of living and the over-the-top wow factor at the other end.  Yo-yoing between the two extremes it was probably only a matter of time before I got the wrong end of the stick and ended up squatting down to pee in a 5 star water feature.

Okay, I went spa crazy, and before I knew it I’d ordered £200 of treatments from the menu, but as I splashed around in the pool on the 59th floor I realised that I would have happily paid £200 just for the swim!

Oh yes, after 3 hours and finally sitting up to see the sun setting over Beijing I felt 5 star again - ready to take on anything! Next stop - tasting the very best Beijing duck in town.

What I do love about top of the range hotels is their ability to smooth the ride, whether it’s stopping in for a coffee, a toilet break, a 3 or 4 hour spa break, or just to pick up a taxi. They hold open the door for you, instruct the driver and even advise on the best place to enjoy the city’s most famous dish. Sitting in my Beijing taxi on the way to Dadong Duck I felt like a Beijing Spa Princess again.  The Park Hyatt Beijing also has incredible business cards and maps - with the places and addresses in Chinese and English.  They also gave me the most beautiful fold out map of Beijing - top marks for tourist information!

Of course this was probably the busiest night of the year - Saturday and Moon Festival, I guess that showing up without a reservation would be a bit like trying to get in somewhere on New Year’s Eve. But it was only a 45 minute wait, so I hung on in there. When I finally got to the table I was so excited, I’d already checked out the menu and the only thing I wanted was the famous duck - even if it was a meal for two people. Which is what I thought I was saying to the waitress when she frowned at me. Although it was expensive by Beijing standards it was still only £20-30 for a meal for two.

I was looking so excited about my meal that a lovely lady from the next table even came over as she was really tickled at how huge my smile was. She also told me that I could have ordered half a duck if I wanted- so much for my smiling and nodding at the waitress - she just thought I was really greedy.

When the duck came it was great, but I have to say not a million miles away from a very good aromatic duck with pancakes in England. 

Anyway, the nice doorman at the restaurant called me a cab. I handed over the lovely clear business card from the hotel showing exactly where it was... and the taxi driver started shouting at me. I have no idea what he was saying except it was pretty clear he wanted me to get out of his cab. Even the doorman was confused - he had no idea what the problem was. So I got into another cab, feeling rather nervous at this point. I just wanted to get “home”. This cab driver was a lot nicer but I was starting to get the general idea. He didn’t have a clue where we were. The Shanghai trick of calling the hotel - who answered and seemed very nice - and then putting them on to him - did not seem to do any good. Basically we would drive up to a junction and he would turn round and look at me. I’m going to be honest that sometimes the words I said to him, along with, “I think it’s this way”, were not altogether nice. Finally with the combination of my maps, recognition of various shopping areas and a few English tourist signs we finally made it to my hutong, and several Baileys with ice in the hotel bar - before the girl I was chatting to reminded me that you’re really not supposed to have ice in your drink in China. Oh well.  The next day I bumped into another non-Oriental person in my hutong (there’s so few that you automatically say hello unless they are walking by determined not to speak to tourists) - it turns out apparently you NEVER get into a cab in Beijing unless you know exactly where you are going, by which I mean, straight ahead, left, right, stop - and of course it’s best if you can say this in Mandarin!

I was pretty fed up with Beijing at this point, and although I had one full day left I really didn’t think I was up to the Great Wall, but, with the encouragement of the girls in the hotel I did feel I could take on the subway and maybe a little light shopping. They very kindly wrote down in Chinese the names of a few of the places they recommended; the Hongqiao Pearl Market (well I had to), the Silk Market and the place for kites, 3 Stone Kite near Hou Hai.

The subway is incredible - as is the security you have to go through at some stations just to get on, but it’s remarkably cheap and easy. The only problem was - there were stairs. One flight of stairs and I realised that my legs hadn’t recovered much from the Huangshan episode. Maybe cabs were a better bet after all?

After a few quick shopping stops I headed for the Temple of Heaven, and a quick (very quick!) rickshaw ride as the gate seemed further away than I thought! (Later I found out that this was because another rickshaw driver had pointed me in the wrong direction - naughty man!)

With only a few hours left I walked my tired body over to Hou Hai (which was a lot further than it looked on the map). Keeping just enough change for a cab home (if I could face it) and a coffee at the airport I managed to barter my family a kite at 3 Stone Kite, and set about enjoying Hou Hai without spending a penny. Unfortunately I had to spend a penny, so had to visit a (shudder) public loo. Shock horror, it was cleaner than many of the restaurant toilets I’d visited during my time in China. Hou Hai was also a lovely surprise, yes it was incredibly touristy and several blokes tried to grab me and massage me as I walked in (“You’re very tense” they said - well of course I was; a strange man was trying to rub my back!) , and of course the rickshaw drivers. After twenty or so tried to get me to take a ride I finally explained to one of them “Why not?” “Because I’ve got no money.” He cracked up.

I think if I had come to Hou Hai first I would probably have thought it was a horrible tourist trap, with its Starbucks and hostesses in cheongsams; but after wandering through the Chinese-only outskirts of Beijing I was delighted to see signs and hear English again, and after visiting so many walled in parks it was lovely to see the locals taking their evening swim in the lake, or playing their music and singing along, or just passing by on their way home. I was hoping that if I waited long enough I’d see the lamps being floated out onto the lake at sunset, but finally, after circling the lake several times, with not enough cash for even a Starbucks coffee I headed back to the main road. Ironically enough it was then that I found the Tourist Information Centre - this time with leaflets in every language - even Spanish. (So perhaps this is the place to begin your Beijing adventure!)

With a bit of trepidation I hailed a cab. This time I knew the route back - straight, straight, straight, right, straight, straight, stop. Although he spoke no English the driver seemed to get my gist as I frantically gestured - and finally we came to  a stop next to my hutong, just in time for a good night’s sleep before setting off for the airport (luckily the cab drivers seem to know where this is!) I am sure there is very good public transportation to the airport, but for £8 for an hour’s trip (about the same as a 5 minute journey from the station to my door back in London) I was happy to enjoy my very last bit of Chinese luxury, before gratefully settling down on the plane for a feast of English movies!