I didn't get much sleep.  Sadly the lady in the bed opposite me passed away that night.  Eventually the nurses moved me to a side dialysis room, where I read my Harry Potter and got a few winks.  Before long everyone was up and moving (why do they wake up so early in hospitals when they want you to get some sleep?)

I didn't have to do much – no tests – maybe they checked my wee (5 ml every 5 minutes by this point as I was getting nervous.)  All I had to do was take a shower, and put on that sexy surgical gown.  Although I didn't know at the time that was going to be my wardrobe for the next 3-4 days (seriously I didn't change until I got to have a shower on the Saturday, the op was on a Wednesday, I was skanky – the nurses didn't recognise me after my shower, they thought I was a visitor.)

My family were with me, which was nice, but when my older sister asked at one point "What’s cyclosporine?" I did rather want to slap her.  I settled for just telling her to shut up rather loudly.  Seriously – do your homework if you are meant to be supporting someone doing this!

I’ll admit it now, I was scared, petrified even.  But what I was scared of most was that I would freak out and not be able to go through with it.  Which just goes to show that it is true what they say – the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

They bundled me in a wheelchair, and took me off to the ambulance (the theatre was on the other side of the hospital) and I said goodbye to my brother and family.  (If only they let you have tequila at this point!)

I may have said it elsewhere, but the moment I got onto that operating table I was so scared.  And then the second that "joy juice" went in my hand my fear just sort of evaporated and all I was left with was the total beauty and joy of what I was doing for my brother.  I encourage you to try and realise that joy, forget that fear, as early as you can, and try, through meditation or, however you can, to hold that up, like a light, as it will lead you through any seemingly dark time in the whole process.